Silence is Silver
by Doctor Sexy
Summary: Morgan and Reid are just starting to have a budding relationship when Reid gets kidnapped. When Reid returns he is deeply damaged and unable to speak. Will the pair manage to have a relationship when the odds are stacked against them?
1. Chapter 1

Spencer Reid was used to being smart enough to get what he wanted. But when what he wanted was Derek Morgan, he was like a little kid learning to walk for the first time. Sure, they were friends, but Reid wanted to be much more than friends. Reid was determined to have sex with Morgan. The problem was that he had no idea what he was doing, and that he suspected that Morgan had no interest in having sex with him.

So Reid concocted a plan. He called it Operation: Get Morgan Drunk Enough that He'll Hump Anything. It was really very simple. Maybe Morgan didn't like him _that way_, but Reid knew his friend. Morgan was a slut, especially when he had had a few. So why couldn't he be one of Morgan's one night stands?

Reid tried to ignore the obvious flaw in his plan -that Morgan didn't sleep with men. At least not that Reid had ever taken note of. Although he suspected that Morgan might have a hint of bicuriosity, his pride would prevent him from ever being seen with another man. Well, Reid pushed that out of his mind and took Morgan for a night on the town.

"You want to go out to a club?" Morgan asked suspiciously as the pair of them headed off in a cab to the nightclub. "Who are you and what have you done with Spencer Reid?"

Reid tried to sound nonchalant. "I just figured I'd see why people like to spend their time getting intoxicated and dancing with strangers with the hopes of copulating with them before the night is over."

"Yeah, whatever Reid. If I see you trying to _copulate_ with someone I'll start to get really worried."

Reid blushed. He hated that Morgan thought of him as asexual. Everyone saw him as some sort of freak that would never date or have sex. But somehow it hurt worse knowing Morgan saw him like that. "It could happen!"

"Yeah, right, Pretty Boy," Morgan said. "You'll have some casual sex tonight, and I'll find the love of my life."

"Maybe, I will," Reid said indignantly.

Getting Morgan drunk turned out to be even easier that Reid had thought. Morgan had downed five shots within half an hour of getting to the club. He was having fun, but Reid didn't like it much there. It was loud and people kept walking into him. Not to mention he had no idea how to dance. It didn't seem to matter though, because there was no space on the dance floor, just people packed in grinding on top of each other. He moved awkwardly and Morgan couldn't help but laugh.

"We need to get some booze in you," Morgan said. "If you were any more uptight you'd explode."

Reid reluctantly agreed to a single beer. He had wanted a cocktail, but Morgan would not allow for that. Morgan took another couple shots while they were at the bar. Then it was back to grinding. Morgan seemed to have no trouble dancing with a number of ladies, while Reid seemed to have one girl that attached to him. Reid didn't mind. He had no idea what he was doing, he felt more in place with the redhead showing him what to do.

''Are you going to copulate with her?" Morgan said, as two women danced up against him.

Reid blushed a bright crimson. The redhead glared at Morgan but kept dancing. Reid looked at his watch. It was one o'clock and Morgan was only tipsy at best. "Let's get more drinks!"

Morgan frowned a little, but they made their way over to the bar. Reid went out on a limb and bought two shots for each of them. He downed them and coughed. _ Why would anyone choose to do this to themselves? _Reid started to think that his plan wasn't going to work. He was going to end up drunk and Morgan was going to be buzzed. He needed Morgan to be _wasted_.

Fortunately, the last two shots seemed to have an effect on Morgan. Unfortunately, this effect was ignoring Reid and making out with a trashy blonde against the wall.

_How did I not think he would go home with someone else_? Reid thought, cursing himself. _This was a horrible idea. Why did I ever think this was going to work?_

The redhead found Reid again, but he didn't feel like dancing. Instead he sat off on barstool and watched Morgan. After a while, Morgan ditched the blonde and found Reid. "You look sad. More booze?"

"Okay," Reid said sadly. Why not? He might as well have some fun. _I can be like Morgan. I can drink and not care and have sex with sluts. Where did that girl go?_

Two more shots for both of them. Reid realized he was getting dizzy. His head hurt. But Morgan was even drunker. This time Morgan danced with Reid.

Reid didn't even mind that Morgan was laughing hysterically. That this was all a joke to Morgan. Morgan was dancing with _him_. The same way he'd dance with women.

By the time two am rolled around, Reid was feeling nervous but all around pretty good about the plan. On the cab ride to Morgan's he was almost hysterical with worry. _What the hell are you doing? He's going to hate you. Why would he ever want to sleep with you?_

Then Morgan was getting out of the cab and he had to make a decision. Would he risk losing Morgan's friendship forever for a chance of one night with the man of the dreams?

"Can I come have a drink?"

* * *

**A/N: I hope this turned out okay. Reading it back, I realized not much happens in the first chapter. But I promise it gets better! The next chapter will be rated M. I hope you keep reading and take the time to review.**


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as the door closed behind them, Reid made his move. His inhibitions were lowered, but still a surge of panic arose in his chest when he grabbed Morgan's face and guided it to his own, their lips meeting and tongues flailing wildly in a sloppy, wet, drunken makeout session. But Morgan didn't pull away quickly. There were a few solid moments that were both the best and most terrifying of Reid's life. Then Morgan's mind got the better of him.

"What are you doing?"

"Kissing you," Reid said innocently.

"_Why_?"

Reid bit his lip. "I was hoping to get lucky tonight."

Morgan laughed and started pacing. "That's really funny, Reid. You almost had me for a moment."

"Why is it funny?" Reid said, suddenly full of anger. Why was it so outrageous that he wanted to have sex?

"Did Garcia put you up to this?" Morgan asked.

"No one _put me up _to anything," Reid said. "I think I changed my mind. I don't want to sleep with you anymore."

He went to leave but Morgan grabbed his arm. "Wait… Reid… were you being serious?"

Reid turned around to look into his eyes. "Yes."

"Spence… I don't think that's a good idea," Morgan said. He looked sad. Reid was sad too, and more than anything embarrassed.

"Who cares?" Reid said. "I never do anything stupid. Just once in my life I want to lose control. I want to have fun for once in my life instead of staying home and reading. But I shouldn't have asked, because I'm not allowed to have any fun ever. I always have to be smart and well-behaved."

For a moment they just stood there staring at each other with intense gazes. Reid was glaring, and trying to read the expression in Morgan's eyes, but he couldn't.

"Come here," Morgan said.

Reid took a few tentative steps forward. Morgan took a step to meet him. He rested a hand on Reid's cheek and kept staring. "Please tell me you've done this before." Reid stayed quiet. "You've never…?" Reid shook his head. Morgan exhaled deeply. "You sure?"

"Yes," Reid whispered.

Morgan kissed him gently on the lips just for a second and grabbed his hand, leading him to the bedroom. Reid laid down on the bed, trembling he was so nervous. Morgan kicked off his shoes and laid right on top of him. He nibbled Reid's neck while he gently rubbed up against the younger man's package.

"Mmm," Reid moaned. Morgan laughed nervously and took off his shirt. Reid was more than a little excited and he reached out to touch Morgan's perfect abs. He took off his shirt while Morgan tugged at his zipper and soon enough they were both naked.

Morgan kissed him, long and slow until Reid pulled his mouth away. "What are you waiting for?"

"Nothing, baby," Morgan said as he went to grab some lube from the nightstand. Reid wondered if he called everyone he slept with baby. Then he pushed the thought away. He didn't want to think about that right now. He wanted to enjoy this.

Reid moaned and squirmed as Morgan fingered him, applying the lubricant. "Hold still," Morgan instructed. Reid felt him push in ever so slowly, his heart pounding. It _hurt_, but it felt so good at the same time. Still, he couldn't help clasping on to Morgan's shoulders and digging his nails in as Morgan went deeper. "Mmm," Reid moaned again, this time he wasn't sure if it was from pleasure or pain.

Finally, Morgan was all the way in. "You okay, honey?"

"Yeah," Reid breathed, but he wasn't sure. If it hurt already, how was it going to feel when they really got going?

Morgan started to thrust but it was very slow, and Reid was sure that Morgan was being abnormally gentle to accommodate him. Nevertheless, Reid still had a tight grip on his shoulders. After that seemed to go okay, Morgan thrusted a little faster, and deeper too. Reid knew he was making all kinds of weird noises but he didn't seem to have any control over them. Morgan grunted in approval and then got bored of taking it slow. He got rough and kept up a fast pace. Reid screamed. Morgan shushed him, but he enjoyed the noises.

Reid ached and wondered when it would be over. He couldn't stand much more of it. It was sweet, sweet agony. "Morgan…." He called out. Then he felt it. Pure, sweet ecstasy. He came moaning and gushing. Morgan soon followed, unable to hold back. For a moment he stayed inside, breathing heavy and looking at his lover's face. But Reid averted his eyes.

Morgan laid down beside Reid and exhaled deeply. "Oh, baby. You're _loud_," he commented.

"Sorry," Reid whispered.

"Don't be, it's hot," Morgan said.

"I guess, I'd better go…"

Morgan rolled over to look at Reid. "Hey, it's late. Stay the night."

"O-okay," Reid said. He grabbed his boxers and tried unsuccessfully wipe the sperm off his penis and belly before putting them back on. He curled up into a ball, facing away from Morgan. Morgan, still naked closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N: I hope this turned out okay. I didn't end up re-reading all of it because I started and then I felt awkward reading the sex scene. . Please review?**


	3. Chapter 3

Morgan woke up a few hours later and heard quiet sobbing. At first he thought he was hearing things and then he remembered Reid was there. What had he been thinking? "Spence?" He said turning the light on. His friend was standing beside the bed, buttoning up his shirt.

"What?" Reid said angrily, looking away.

"Why are you crying, babe?"

"I'm not crying," Reid said, rubbing his wet eyes.

"Honey, come sit down," Morgan said, patting the bed next to him.

Reid sat down but faced away from Morgan. "Don't call me that!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," Morgan said. "We shouldn't have done that. I-…"

"It's fine," Reid snapped.

"It's clearly not fine. Tell me what's wrong."

Reid took deep breaths and was quiet for some time. "It's nothing. It's stupid." Morgan patiently waited for more. "I'm not cut out for one night stands."

"Then why'd you do it?" Morgan asked. Reid just shrugged trying to hold back sobs. "Spencer… do you like me?" Reid nodded slowly. "Then why are you so intent on making this a one night stand?"

"You'd never like me," Reid said. "You're only into one night stands."

"Oh, honey," Morgan said, forgetting not to call Reid that name. "Come here." Reid cuddled up and cried on Morgan's shoulder. "I like you a lot, you know."

"_Why_?" Reid asked through tears.

"Because you're amazing," Morgan said. "You know, you're both the smartest and stupidest person I know."

"That's mean," Reid said, but he had stopped crying now. "You mean, you actually like me?"

"Yes," Morgan said firmly. "A lot. And I know I don't have a very good history with relationships, but would you give me a chance anyway?"

"…Okay," Reid said. He grabbed Morgan's hand. Morgan kissed him on the forehead.

"Do you feel better now?"

"A little," Reid admitted.

"Good," Morgan said. "Now get some sleep." He noticed Reid climbed back into bed fully clothed. "And take those friggin' pants off. That can't be comfortable."

* * *

When Morgan woke up, Reid was gone. Worried, Morgan called his cellphone. There was no answer. He wasn't surprised. If he knew Reid as well as he thought he did, he guessed that his friend had gotten to thinking and gotten scared. It was hard knowing what to say or how to help, and Morgan didn't have much experience with emotionally supportive relationships.

When he got to work, Hotch immediately called everyone into the conference room so Morgan never got a chance to talk to Reid, who sat on the opposite side of the room averting his gaze. On the plane they sat apart to and Morgan was starting to wonder what he had done wrong. It wasn't until they got home that they ever got a chance to talk.

"I'll give you a ride home," Morgan said.

"Okay," Reid said but he still couldn't look directly at Morgan's face.

"You've been avoiding me," Morgan started when they got into the car.

"Yep."

"Well, it's kind of hard to be in a relationship with someone who is avoiding you," Morgan pointed out.

Reid sighed. "Well maybe we shouldn't be in a relationship then."

"Dammit Reid!" Morgan cursed. "We're not giving up just because you're too socially awkward to look at me."

"I don't even get why you care," Reid said.

"You know what?" Morgan said. "This self-depreciating attitude is getting you nowhere. You're just going to have to trust that you're actually a good enough person that someone could you love you."

"What?"

"You heard what I said!"

Reid bit his lip. "You could love me?"

"Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you, except you keep running every time I get close to you!" Morgan said. "Spencer Reid, I love you, you idiot."

"Oh," Reid said, and he smiled the whole way home.

* * *

**A/N: Someone asked how often I'll be updating. I want to keep updating daily but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to keep up. For now I'll say every day or second day. I hope you guys liked this chapter! Reviews are always appreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Three Weeks Later_

"Pretty Boy, we need to talk," Morgan said, pouring himself a coffee from his brand new espresso machine. It was a gift from Reid. A gift that was mostly for Reid, who had been spending a lot of time at Morgan's house and had noticed a deficit of espresso.

"Uh, oh," Reid said. "Am I in trouble?"

"Yes, you've been a very bad boy," Morgan said, spanking him. Reid slapped him on the arm in return. "I was just thinking, don't you think it's time we told the team?"

"Told them what?" Reid said pouring a handful of sugar into his coffee.

"About us."

"Oh," Reid said. He had spent the last three weeks worrying about what would happen if the team found out. Now Morgan wanted to tell them? "Why would we do that?"

Morgan frowned. "Why wouldn't we? I don't understand why it's some big secret. Are you embarrassed of me?"

"No…" Reid said. "We'll get fired."

"We won't get fired," Morgan said. "I know they say we're not supposed to date coworkers but they never really enforce that."

That wasn't really what worried Reid. He was more concerned about everyone judging him. Everyone would laugh at him if they knew he was gay. Everyone would wonder what Morgan could possibly see in him.

"I don't know."

Morgan sighed. "We'll talk about it later."

* * *

That night Reid slept over. This had become commonplace in the past few weeks. Morgan was having a hard time sleeping, and it wasn't just from the espresso.

"Babe, can we talk?" Morgan said.

Reid was lying beside him half-asleep. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Spencer, I can't be in a secret relationship," Morgan said.

"That's funny," Reid said. "You seem to be managing just fine."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Reid said. "I don't want to tell the team, they'll just judge us."

"So what you're saying is that you're ashamed of me," Morgan said.

"That's not what I meant!" Reid said.

"Then what the hell did you mean?"

Reid didn't respond for a long time. "I'm sorry. It's just what will people think when they see us together?"

"Don't worry about it," Morgan said.

"What does that mean?"

"It means," Morgan said angrily. "That no one can see us together if we aren't together."

Reid fumbled with putting his clothes back on. "This was stupid anyway. We never should have been together."

* * *

It was 3:13 in the morning when Reid left Morgan's house. He was crying so hard that he could barely see to drive and he wondered how many car accidents were caused by bad breakups. He was wishing he had said something different. He should have told Morgan that they could tell the team. But it was too late now. Morgan thought he was ashamed of him. But he was really just ashamed of himself.

When he parked his car he just sat there for a while, wondering if he should call Morgan and apologize. Someone knocked on his car window. The figure was wearing a mask and holding a gun. Panic started inside Reid as he realized he had left his gun at Morgan's house. He pulled out his wallet and rolled down the window, giving the man his money.

The masked man threw the money on the ground. "Get out of the car." The voice was tentative, but the gun was pointed right at him.

"Okay, I'm getting out of the car," Reid said.

The man held the gun at Reid who was now standing outside the car and paused as if he was unsure of what to do next.

"Get in the van."

"You don't really want to do this. I can tell. You're scared, you feel like you have no other options, but this isn't the answer," Reid said.

"Don't tell me what I want!" The man said, more assertive now. "Get in the van!" He fired a shot dangerously close to Reid's leg.

"Okay, I'm getting in the van."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! I think things got a bit more intense... I know my chapters are short, but I'll try to make up for it for updating everyday! Please review my friends. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday. I went away for the weekend and I've been sick and busy. Also, if you find yourself wondering why this story has the old team in it, it's because I like to imagine Reid and Morgan got together when they were still young.**

* * *

Morgan felt terrible as soon as Reid left. He was regretting everything he had said, and mostly just wishing he hadn't ended it. He thought about calling, but it was the middle of the night. When his alarm went off at six, he called Reid right away. There was no answer. He had been expecting that. He got ready as quickly as possible and headed over to Reid's apartment.

There was no answer at the door. Had Reid already gone to work? It seemed too early, but possible with how punctual Reid was. Or maybe he just wasn't answering the door.

At work was when Morgan started to get really worried. Reid wasn't there. "Anyone heard from Reid today?"

"Nope," Elle said, shaking her head.

"I called him this morning about the case," JJ said. "He didn't answer."

"That's strange," Elle said. "Doesn't he always answer? Seeming as he has no life?"

Morgan felt guilty. Was Reid avoiding work because of him? It was unlike Reid to miss a day of work, but if he was upset enough…

Hotch and Gideon walked in and interrupted Morgan's thoughts. "Does anyone know where Reid is? He isn't answering his phone," Gideon said. Everyone shook their heads. "Morgan and Elle, why don't you go check his apartment. This isn't like him."

"Don't you think that's a little premature?" Elle asked.

"You can't be too careful," Gideon said.

Morgan was sure Reid wouldn't be at home. But then where would he be? Was he really that mad? Or had something happened to him?

Elle knocked hard on the door. "Reid, open up!" They waited several minutes and no one answered. "So where is he?"

"Let's check if his car is here," Morgan said.

They checked the underground parking and found that Reid's car was still there. "Look, there's money on the ground. And the door's open," Morgan said, pointing at the driver's door which was slightly ajar. He opened it. Reid's messenger bag was sitting on the passenger seat. The keys were still in the ignition.

"Fuck," Morgan said, taking a step back from the car.

"The keys are still there. So what happened?" Elle said, sitting in the car. "I'm Reid and you're the unsub. I came willingly. Why would I do that?"

"I have a weapon," Morgan said. "But I don't use it. There's no blood or evidence of a struggle."

"So, Reid just goes with him," Elle said. "Do you think he knew the guy?

"I don't know," Morgan said. "I'd better call Gideon."

"Gideon, Reid's car is here. The door open, keys in the ignition. Someone took him. No evidence of a struggle."

"Okay," Gideon said. "We'll meet back at the station and go over what we know."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they were all piled into the meeting room, including Garcia who looked just as flustered as Morgan felt. Tears welled up in her eyes, some of them escaping and running down her face. "Someone took Reid? How could they? He's just so sweet and innocent."

"That's probably what the unsub sees in him," Gideon said.

"Oh, gross," Garcia said. "Do you mean that…"

"It's possible," Hotch said. "About half of abductions involve sexual assault."

"The unsub either took him for sexual purposes, or to kill him, or both," Gideon said. "If it's the first, we have more time."

Morgan got out of his chair and paced, cursing under his breath.

"When was the last time anyone saw Reid?" Hotch asked.

"I saw him last night," Morgan said.

"What time?" Hotch asked.

Morgan bit his lip. Reid was going to hate him. But that didn't matter now. All that Morgan could think about was getting Reid home safe. "He left my house at three in the morning."

"At three in the morning?" Elle asked. "Why was he leaving at three in the morning?"

"We had a fight," Morgan said.

"Why was he even at your place at three in the morning?" JJ asked.

Morgan didn't respond. Garcia suddenly lit up. "Oh, my God. You… and Reid?"

"Yeah," Morgan replied. "God, he'll hate that I told you that."

The women in the room looked stunned. Gideon however looked cool as a cucumber. "So, you get in a fight, he leaves your house at three. He drives home, and there's someone waiting for him in the parkade."

"It's not random," Elle said. "Someone was waiting for him."

"Someone who knew where he lived," Hotch added. "I think we're looking at a stalker. If this is true then it's more likely than he's keeping Reid just for sexual purposes."

"Did Reid mention any ex-boyfriends? Any particularly angry ones?" Gideon asked.

"No, he didn't mention anyone," Morgan said. "Not that he would have told me anyway."

"It's most likely someone he knew," Elle said.

"Great, so all we have to do is profile Reid," JJ said.

"That won't be as easy as it sounds," Gideon replied.

* * *

Reid felt himself being pushed into the back of a van, the blindfolded. The unsub tied his limbs together with rope. Next came duct tape on his mouth. It seemed to be about an hour before they got to their destination. At first Reid kept track of which directions they were going and then he gave up, thinking it a pointless battle.

When the van stopped the unsub came out and opened the back. "I'm sorry I have to do this…" He sounded genuinely sad. Reid might have even felt sorry for him, if the words weren't immediately followed by a sensation of pure agony in his legs. He was being hit with some sort of blunt instrument, possibly a crowbar. Over and over again. Reid tried not to react, but a scream escaped him.

"Get out."

_What? _ Reid thought, barely able to comprehend anything beyond the pain in legs. The unsub wanted him to get out of the van. His legs were broken, he was certain. How was he supposed to get out?

"_Get out_!"

"Okay, okay!" Reid said. He moved blindly and felt for the edge of the van. Then he stepped out onto the ground and felt the worst pain he had ever felt in his life. He let out a deep guttural scream.

"Walk!" The unsub said, guiding him along a path, but it only took a few steps before Reid passed out cold.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you guys liked this. I may or may not update tomorrow seeming as it is my birthday perhaps I will find something better to do? Probably not. Reviews, please?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm sorry this took a couple of days to update... I think it was three days? Two days? I don't even know. I'm also very sorry this is the shortest chapter ever... But I write short chapters. Deal with it.**

* * *

When Reid woke up, he was no longer blindfolded, tied, or duct taped. That didn't matter anymore. He wasn't going anywhere. Not with his broken legs. He was laying on a mattress in the middle of the floor of a shabby looking room.

The unsub was no longer wearing a mask. He was white, about thirty, and no one Reid recognized. Reid knew statistically, he probably had met the unsub before, but he couldn't recall the face. The unsub was pacing around the room, hitting himself in the head and crying.

"I need to go to the hospital," Reid said, not holding out much hope.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" The unsub said. "I never meant to hurt you…"

"I know you never wanted to hurt me. I know you're a good person. Which is why you're going to take me to the hospital, okay?"

"I… I can't. I know how much trouble I'm in if they catch me."

"You can just drop me off and leave," Reid said.

"No!" The unsub yelled. "I'm not leaving you. Spencer, I love you. I'm not losing you again."

_Delusional_, Reid thought. _But he knows who I am. Why can't I remember him?_

The unsub ran up the stairs and Reid realized he was probably in a basement somewhere. He returned a few minutes later with a handful of pills. "Take these."

"What are they?" Reid asked tentatively. On the one hand, the pain was hard to bear, but he was anxious about taking unprescribed medication.

"Vicodin."

Reid nodded and took two of the pills, judging that his pain was severe enough for opiate painkillers. The unsub sat down on the bed, and Reid moved away even though his legs screamed in protest. "What do you want from me?"

The unsub sighed deeply and took Reid's hand. Reid pulled his hand away and immediately regretted it when the unsub placed the hand on his thigh instead. "Spencer, I'm going to take care of you."

Of course, Reid already knew what the unsub wanted, he just didn't want to believe it. "You can take care of me by taking me to the hospital."

"I can't," the unsub said. "I have you now. You're never leaving."

Reid decided to give up on conversation. It was getting him nowhere. Might as well stay quiet and try to ignore his captor. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was at home in his own bed. He was just starting to feel a bit more calm when the unsub reached for Reid's zipper. Reid started to panic. It had been at the surface of his mind that this was going to happen, but it hadn't registered emotionally. He tried to calm his breathing to avoid a panic attack. Then his pants were being pulled down and the agony in his legs started up again. Then he was being rolled over.

_Go, somewhere else_, Reid thought. _Become dead inside. _But there was no magic escape inside his head. He was there physically and mentally for all of it.

* * *

**A/N: I haven't written in days, so lucky I had a store of spare chapters. I'm having a hard time with this fic, in terms of enjoying it. I'm not really unhappy writing it, but I'm unhappy with the product. I hope I have the courage to keep going and follow through. Thanks for reading, as always reviews are appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for your reviews on the last chapter. They really cheered me up and made me feel better about this story. So this chapter goes out to nannily, maryhell, lolyncut, Darkus Starlara, babylove969, Skmfalmf, Steph, and ReidsSoulmate420. :)**

* * *

_One Week Later_

"We've got absolutely nothing to go on," Hotch said. He was sitting in his office with Gideon on the other side of his disk. "We've don't have enough for a basic profile. I think we have to consider the possibility that Reid's not going to be found."

"That's doesn't mean we should stop looking for him," Gideon said.

"Well, what do you think we should be doing?" Hotch said. "If I had any idea how to proceed I would."

"I don't know," Gideon said. "But it doesn't feel right dropping the case."

"I know, Jason," Hotch said. "But there's nothing I can do. Even if I thought we had something to work with, Strauss would go over my head."

"I just feel like we're failing him," Gideon said.

"We did all that we could," Hotch said.

* * *

"Are you fucking serious?" Morgan asked. The team was assembled in the conference room.

"We've run out of leads," Hotch explained. "We have to move on."

"Move on?" Morgan said. "Move on? It's been a week Hotch. We're just supposed to move on and leave him with some psycho, or maybe if he's lucky dead in a ditch somewhere?"

"I don't like this any more than you do," Hotch said.

Morgan sat down and stared off into space.

"Okay…." JJ said awkwardly. "Three women found dead in D.C., all of them found without heads…"

* * *

Reid had given up completely. He had zero hope that someone would rescue him. His new plan was to kill himself. The unsub who Reid now knew as Harry, had been giving him more pills. Reid was hoping someday Harry would give him enough pills to overdose.

But when Harry finally left the house, a tiny bit of hope stirred in him. He hadn't bothered to restrain Reid. If he could just figure out where he was… If he could just get to a phone…

Of course, that was if he could manage on his broken legs. Harry had made him some homemade splints. The pain had mostly subsided, but that had mostly to do with the amount of painkillers he was taking.

Reid managed to stand up with some difficulty and shooting pains up his legs. But it wasn't as bad as he feared. Maybe, just maybe he could pull this off.

There were no phones in the basement, so he had to make his way up the stairs. This proved to be much more difficult. Just walking was difficult with the splints holding his legs dead straight, but getting up the stairs was a whole new ballgame. He ended up sitting on a stair and scooching up one stair at a time, pulling his legs behind him.

When he reached the top of the stairs, Reid's heart fluttered. The chance that he could be saved was starting to feel real. He was in a room with big windows, a dining table, a couch, a television, and most importantly a phone.

Reid walked over to the windows, trying to discern something of his surroundings. He could see that the house was in the country, and there wasn't another house in sight. He couldn't see any street signs or highway markers. He made his way over to the phone awkwardly and leaned against the wall trying to hold himself up.

As soon as he dialed the number he thought, _You, idiot. Why didn't you call Gideon?_ But he didn't call Gideon. His heart won over his head and he had called Morgan.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Morgan," Reid said and he realized he was sobbing.

"Spencer! Where are you?" Morgan said.

"I –I don't know," Reid said, his entire face wet. "A house. In the country. My legs are broken and I'm on drugs."

"What about the man who took you? Do you know him?"

"No," Reid said trying to keep calm and concentrate. "He's white. Thirty. He calls himself Harry."

"Okay, honey. That helps. Can you move?" Morgan asked.

Reid nodded and then remembered he was on the phone. "Yeah, a little."

"Go see if you can find some mail or anything saying where you are," Morgan said. "I'll wait right here."

"Okay," Reid said reluctantly. He didn't want to leave the safety of Morgan's voice. But he would never see Morgan again if they didn't figure out where he was. He put the phone down and tried to think about where the most logical place to keep mail was. The kitchen maybe? An office?

Reid was struggling to walk now, the painkillers seeming to fail him. He had walked into the kitchen and he could see an envelope on the counter ten feet away. But he wasn't sure he could make it that far, much less back to the phone. Every step was torture. He was sure that he was going to collapse soon. He was five feet away. There was a phone on the wall. It would only take about twenty steps to reach the mail and then the phone.

It was hard to see the pain was so blinding. Less than two feet away, Reid reached for the counter for support. His hand reached out for the counter –and slipped. Reid toppled over and fell on the ground causing a shattering feeling in his legs.

Desperately, he tried to lift himself up, but there was no use. There was nothing to do now but lay there and wait for Harry to return.

* * *

**A/N: I've found renewed interest in this story. Something I find helpful that maybe you guys don't know about is called Write or Die. It's this website where if you stop writing for a certain number of seconds, it makes an awful noise so you keep writing. I find it really works. Wrote two chapters yesterday. :) Okay, thanks for reading, I'll give you virtual pie if you review?**


	8. Chapter 8

Morgan spent hours listening to the silence on the other end of the phone. Hotch had given him a funny look, but that didn't matter at all. Gideon has asked Morgan to repeat everything that Reid had said verbatim. Garcia had been drifting back and forth between her office and Derek Morgan's cubicle where he had been sitting all day waiting.

"Honey, it's been five hours," she said. "He's not coming back."

"No probably not," Morgan admitted. "I'm waiting for the unsub to come back to try to hear what happens."

"Why?" Garcia asked.

"I might hear something. He might want to talk," Morgan said. He realized there was probably very little chance that he would gain any useful information from waiting. But he couldn't take a chance. And even though he wouldn't admit it, he was still hoping Reid would come back.

Then he heard something on the line. He held a finger to his lips to quiet Garcia. It was a voice and it was too quiet for Morgan to make out the words. Then a little louder he heard, "Get up!" The unsub. "Get up!" This time Morgan could make it out very clearly. Then just softly in the background he heard Reid's voice. "I can't."

Then the most heart-wrenching scream Morgan had ever heard. Morgan could feel tears in his eyes. "Why are you up here?" the unsub yelled. Morgan couldn't tell if Reid said anything or not, but it was followed by a smaller yelp of pain. "I'm sorry."

The unsub's voice changed. "I'm sorry, Spencer. I didn't… I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll carry you to bed. I'll give you some more pills."

There was a minute of silence. "Did you use the phone?" "Sorry," Reid said, Morgan could tell he was crying. The unsub walked over to the phone. "Who is this?"

"This is Agent Derek Morgan of the FBI. Who is this?"

"It's none of your damn business!" Harry said.

"Where are you?" Morgan asked without much hope. He could hear the phone slam down and the call finished.

"I'm sorry, Sweetie," Garcia said.

"Let's go over the list," Morgan said.

"Okay, as you already know there are exactly 1067 Harold's in Virginia…. Of those 608 own property, 318 of them in the country. Now, Hotch got me to narrow in down further. We're assuming he has some tech experience because I wasn't able to track the call. Reid also mentioned he was white and about thirty. So drumroll please, I've narrowed it down to have exactly 33 Harold's," Garcia said.

"Thirty three," Morgan said. "That's not bad. We can interview them."

"Gideon and Elle are at an interview already. So are JJ and Hotch," she said.

"Great," Morgan said. "Now you and I are going to go interview some Harold's."

"Me?" Garcia said. "Uh-uh. I don't do interviews. I'm not qualified."

"I don't care. Penelope, it's Reid."

"Okay," she agreed. "Let's go interview people or whatever."

* * *

"I don't understand," Harold Jenkins said. "Why am I being questioned?" He was a thirty-five year old white male with a tech degree. He was sitting on the couch holding hands with his wife. Garcia sat in a chair awkwardly. Morgan was standing.

"We just need to ask where you were Monday April 3rd at three am," Morgan said.

"I was in bed here sleeping," Harold said as if it were obvious.

His wife nodded. "He was here with me. Why?"

"We're looking for a man with the same first name and a similar profile to your husband," Morgan said. "But we don't think your husband is who we're looking for. Sorry for wasting your time."

Morgan walked out the door, Garcia having to almost run to keep up with him.

"What was that?" she asked. "You barely questioned him at all."

"He was with his wife," Morgan said. "It was less than an hour ago I spoke to the unsub. He wouldn't have time to hide Reid from his wife."

"Oh, okay…" Garcia said and looked in a folder and pulled out a paper. "Our next Harold is five miles from here…. Harold Carmichael. Twenty-eight, single."

* * *

Meanwhile at Harold Morrison's house, Gideon and Elle were getting more and more suspicious.

Harold was a nervous fellow that had a hard time looking either Gideon or Elle in the eye. Gideon got the impression that although Harry was nervous about having the FBI question him, he was in general nervous. The kind of man that is incapable of normal social interaction.

"Harry, where were you April 23rd, at three in the morning?" Elle asked.

"I –I, was at home. I'm always at home," Harry said.

"And you're sure you were at home that particular night?" Elle asked.

Harry paused for a moment. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Is there anyone that can verify that story?" Gideon asked.

"No," Harry said. "There was no one else here. Am I in trouble?"

"Not yet," Gideon said. "Do you know a Spencer Reid?" He studied Harry's expression. It was one of surprise.

"No, I never met him," Harry said.

"We're going to need to have a look in your basement."

* * *

**A/N: I like this chapter. It's sort of intense. I almost didn't post today because I had a mental breakdown. Fortunately I recovered enough to update even if I didn't write any today. Here's the bad news... I'm spending some unspecified amount of days at my boyfriend's house this weekend... So I may not post any more chapters til Monday! I'll see what I can do. I apologize in advance. Thanks for reading guys, your reviews always make my day. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Gideon and Elle searched every inch of the basement. There was no one there and no evidence that anyone had been kept captive there.

"Dammit!" Gideon muttered under his breath. He had dared hope that he would find Reid. The kid was on his team, and his responsibility. He felt like a failure and he was haunted at night thinking about what Reid must have been going through.

"It'll be okay," Elle said patting him on the back. "We'll find him."

* * *

_Two Days Later_

"We've interviewed all thirty-three Harry's on our list," Hotch said. "None of them is our unsub."

"How could this have happened?" Garcia asked. "Profiling works all the time. Why this one time did we mess up?"

"Profiling is an art not a science ," Gideon said. "Sometimes, the pieces don't fit together. Sometimes they don't fit a standard profile."

Morgan was too tired to be angry. More than anything he hurt knowing what was happening to Spencer. And how it was all his fault.

"So what did we get wrong?" Hotch said.

"Let's go back to the basics," Gideon said. "We have a white male. Around the age of thirty. He has access to a house in the country. He's probably unemployed."

"How do you know that?" JJ asked.

"This kind of unsub won't be able to hold a job," Hotch explained. "He'll be unable to handle regular social situations."

"So we're ignoring the fact that he probably has technical experience and is named Harry?" Morgan asked.

"It could be a fake name," Elle said. "And we don't know for sure about the technical experience."

"Let's get the profile out to the police," Gideon said. "And then all we can do is hope someone recognizes the guy."

* * *

Reid no longer thought about suicide. There was not enough hope, even for that. He was handcuffed to a pipe on the wall with a pot next to him as his washroom. He couldn't move from his mattress, his arm perpetually hung above his head. When Harry was mad, he kicked Reid's broken legs. The pills masked the pain a little, but mostly Reid wanted to focus on the physical pain rather than having to think about his situation.

If Reid was right about the time, it was a month since he had called Morgan. But it was so hard to tell, without a clock and when he fell asleep at all times of day. Harry left all the time now. Reid knew he should feel some relief at being left alone, but he felt nothing at all.

He laid on his bed trying to sleep, but it wasn't working. Then he heard the front door. Harry was home. He felt a little fear rise up in him, but then he pushed it away. It was much better to feel nothing.

"Hello, Spencer," Harry said as he walked into the basement. "I bought you a present."

Reid hoped it was food. He didn't remember the last time he had eaten. Harry seemed to forget that he needed to eat at all. When he remembered he brought bread and if Reid was really lucky cold McDonald's.

Harry handed Reid a box. It was a glass chessboard. "Isn't it beautiful?"

Reid nodded his head. It was hard to talk anymore. Even if his throat wasn't parched, he wasn't used to talking. It felt strange. He had words in his head, but somehow it felt so hard to force them to his mouth.

"Let's play," Harry said. He set up the chessboard and moved first. Reid didn't bother applying any strategy and moved randomly. Harry was much more thoughtful, taking time to think before every move.

About ten moves in Reid started to feel a sick feeling in his stomach. Something felt _wrong_ about this. But it was just chess. There was nothing wrong with that except…

Harry moved again. Reid had seen this strategy before. He was sure of it.

And then he remembered.

* * *

**A/N: Special thanks to Vanessa, if you ever read this for helping me with this chapter. I hope this was worth the wait! I know it's not my best chapter... but anyways. I'll try to have another chapter up for tomorrow but I haven't written anything in forever so I'm not 100% sure. Thank you to everyone who's reading this. Good on you for making it this far.**


	10. Chapter 10

Morgan felt lost without Reid. Everything seemed to remind him of Reid, probably because he purposely kept doing things that he would do with Reid. He would watch Star Trek when it came on, he found himself reading the books Reid had left at his house, and he frequented the same restaurants. All the time he imagined Reid was with him. He wondered if he was losing his mind, but found that it didn't matter much. He wanted to be with Spencer Reid, and if he could only be with the memory that was what he would do.

Because of his need to imagine he was with Reid, he found himself going to the park Reid liked to play chess at. Morgan had never really been interested in chess, but to Reid chess was more than just a game. It was like the more he understood chess, the more he understood life. Morgan liked to watch him play. He took it very seriously, but Morgan couldn't help but laugh at the intense expressions on his lover's face.

He sat down at a chess table and a man around his age sat down with him. Morgan wasn't particularly good at chess, but he pretended he was Reid and tried to see three moves ahead.

"You play here often?" Morgan asked trying to be conversational.

"Oh, all the time," the man said. "I just love chess. It's the only game that never gets boring."

"Yeah," Morgan said. "It's a good game."

The man frowned at this as he made his move. "No, it's not just a good game. It's the best game. I've played it ever since I was a kid. My dad, he taught me. The only time he ever paid attention to me."

"Oh," Morgan said, unsure of what he could say to that.

"You seeing anyone?" The man asked.

Morgan looked up surprised. Was this man hitting on him? "Yes, I am."

"What's he like?" The man asked.

Morgan was getting an increasingly unsettling feeling about this conversation. "How did you know it was a he?"

The man looked nervous. "I, uh, I just thought... you know I thought I could tell."

"He's great," Morgan said, but he didn't want to say anymore. He wasn't enjoying sitting with this man. "What's your name?" "Gene," the man said. "Harrison. But people just call me Harry."

Morgan knew it wasn't a coincidence. He pulled out his FBI badge. "Mr. Harrison, I'm with the FBI. I need to bring you in for questioning."

"Q-questioning?" Harry said. "Why? I didn't do anything wrong!" He was yelling. He was guilty, Morgan was sure of it. He wanted to rip this sick son of a bitch's throat out. He wanted to punch Harry's face in until there was nothing left of him. The rational, sane part of Morgan had to hold back the animal part of him.

"Just please come with me to the station," Morgan said. "It's just some questions regarding a disappearance two months ago."

Harry got up and ran. Morgan was much quicker though. Harry hadn't gotten more than a hundred feet before Morgan had tackled him down. He cursed under his breath that he didn't have handcuffs with him. "I need you to come with me." He dragged Harry by the wrists back to his car, and then to the station. On the way he called Hotch and told him what had happened.

Harry came willingly to the interrogation room, where Morgan left him while he waited for the team to show up.

Hotch was the first to show up. "So he came willingly?"

"No," Morgan said reluctantly. "I had to tackle him."

"Did you arrest him?" Hotch asked.

"No," Morgan said. "I don't think we have enough evidence yet."

"So you tackled a witness and forced him to come to the station?" Hotch said rubbing his forehead. "Derek, you know how bad that is. What if he goes free because of this? What if this isn't even the guy?"

"I'm sure it's him," Morgan said. "Go question him, you'll think so, too."

"I think we should wait for Gideon," Hotch said. "I think he might talk to Gideon."

Five minutes later, Gideon and Elle showed up together. "Are you sure it's him?" Gideon asked. Morgan nodded his head.

"Hello," Gideon said as he stepped into the interrogation room. "Are you Gene Harrison?"

"Yes."

"I'm Jason Gideon of the Behavioural Analysis Unit. I have a couple of questions to ask you. Do you know Spencer Reid?"

"I never, I never heard of him," Harry said looking away and biting his nails. Gideon instantly agreed with Morgan that this was their unsub.

Gideon showed him a picture. Harry wouldn't look at it. "Look at this. Does he look familiar?"

Harry looked at it and touched the picture. "No, I've never seen him before. Ever." He couldn't look away from the picture. It was like he was mesmerized. Gideon thought maybe the expression in his eyes was one of love.

"Where where you April 23rd?" he asked. "It was a Monday. At three in the morning?"

"At home," Harry said. "I was s-sleeping."

"Where do you live, Mr. Harrison?" Gideon asked.

"In the country. By Brooksville, it's a small town," Harry said.

"Can we search your house, Mr. Harrison?"

"No!" Harry almost yelled. The softer. "N-no. I don't think that's a good idea."

Gideon didn't think Harry would fall for that. "You understand that we will get a search warrant within a matter of hours and we will search your home?"

Harry didn't say anything. He just looked away, chomping on his nails.

"That will be all for now," Gideon said. "I'd like you to stay here until we tell you, you can go."

Gideon walked back out behind the one-way mirror. "It's definitely him. We just need to get a warrant and then we can search his house. I'll go take care of that."

Morgan was dying inside, waiting to see if Reid was okay. But for the first time in weeks, he actually allowed himself to have hope.

* * *

**A/N: Hi, everyone! Hope you liked this chapter. I just wrote my first chapter of this in a week... so I'm starting to feel hope again. I'm doing my best to stick to it. I noticed today that in a lot of stuff I write characters have stutters. I think it's probably because I have a tad bit of a stutter myself... Well, I'm planning on updating this every second day from now on. Thanks for reading, and Super Special Awesome Thanks if you review!**


	11. Chapter 11

Five hours and a search warrant later the team was outside Gene Harrison's house. Morgan kicked the door down, his heart pounding wondering what condition he would find Spencer in. He didn't let himself think of the possibility that he wouldn't find Spencer at all.

Hotch and Morgan went in first. "He's in the basement," Morgan said. They walked down the stairs and Morgan felt himself panicking.

When he saw Reid, Morgan thought he was dead. He was slumped over, limp, and naked. Morgan dropped his gun and ran over to where Reid laid on the mattress that had become his home. He shook Reid gently. "Spence? Honey, please say something."

Reid opened his eyes. Morgan hugged him tightly. "Spencer, you're safe now. We're going to get you to the hospital." Reid looked into Morgan's eyes but he didn't say anything or move.

"Reid, can you move at all?" Hotch said worried that he was paralyzed. Reid flailed his arms vaguely.

"Spence, can you talk?" Morgan asked. He received nothing but a blank stare in return.

"I'll go find him some clothes," Hotch said.

Gideon and Elle followed down into the basement.

"Reid, you're okay," Elle said, relieved. But when Reid didn't say anything she looked less happy. "What's wrong with him?"

"He told me on the phone he was on drugs," Morgan said. "We need to get him to the hospital right away. Any idea where the keys to these handcuffs would be?"

Gideon had already found the key, sitting on the coffee table ten feet away. He went and unlocked the handcuffs and Reid put his arm down. Hotch came back down the stairs with some pajama pants and a t-shirt.

"Okay, let's get you dressed," Morgan said, figuring since he had undressed Reid before that he should be the one to dress him. Reid put the shirt on with little assistance, but the pants were much more complicated. Eventually he decided to take off the splints which made it much easier. Still Morgan winced, sure it had to hurt. But looking at Reid he couldn't see any pain.

Morgan carried him to the car. He and Gideon headed off to the hospital while Hotch and Elle headed back to the station to arrest Gene Harrison. Gideon drove while Morgan sat in the back with Reid.

"Spence, can you talk?" Morgan asked again. Reid sat there staring. It scared Morgan. He wasn't upset, he wasn't in pain, he was just sitting there, eyes wide open and dead. "Can you nod your head for yes and shake it for no?"

Reid tentatively nodded his head. "You can't talk?' Reid didn't make any motion. "Okay. You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

Reid was admitted almost immediately in the E.R. They wheeled him away and Morgan felt like Reid was being taken from him all over again. He thought maybe Spencer looked sad to leave, but maybe that was just what he wanted to think.

It was hours before they heard anything back. The doctor came to talk to Gideon, who Morgan was surprised to hear was listed as Reid's next of kin. Was there really no one else in his life that he could put in that position? After a couple minutes of conversation, Gideon walked over to Morgan.

"We can visit him now," Gideon said. "They say his legs have started to heal properly and they put casts on him. He had opiates in his system. He's still not talking. They want to admit him to the psych ward."

"To the psych ward?" Morgan asked. "No, that's not right. He shouldn't be there. That's his worst nightmare."

"They're afraid he won't be able to take care of himself," Gideon said. "It seems like a reasonable concern."

They went to Reid's room and found him laying there with his eyes closed. "Spencer? You awake?" Morgan asked.

Reid opened his eyes but he didn't say anything.

"You're going to be okay," Gideon said. "Your legs are healing properly. You'll be able to walk in six months, maybe."

That seemed like an incredibly long time to Morgan, but Gideon presented it as good news. "Baby, you gotta start talking or they're going to send you to the psych ward."

Reid sat straight up. He shook his head violently. Morgan nodded his head. "I'm sorry, Spence. It would just be temporary. Not like your mom."

A single tear dropped down Reid's cheek. "Just until you feel better. It'll be okay, I promise," Morgan said, although he really knew that nothing would ever be okay again. Not like it was before. Reid grabbed his hand in a death grip.

"Baby, I'm sorry," Morgan said. Now he wasn't talking about the psych ward. He was talking about the fight before Reid was taken. Reid just squeezed his hands tighter.

"They're switching you to the psych ward tomorrow," Gideon said.

"I'll talk to the doctor," Morgan said. "Maybe you don't have to." He pushed the button to call the nurse. In a couple of minutes, one came in.

"Can I help you?" she asked. "Can you get the doctor?" Morgan asked.

"Okay, it might be a bit," the nurse replied.

"That's fine," Morgan said.

"I'm going to go get something to eat," Gideon said. "Do you want anything?"

Morgan shook his head. He couldn't think about eating. "Spence... I shouldn't have said those things. I didn't want you to leave. I was just upset." He started to choke up. "What happened to you was all my fault."

Reid shook his head. Morgan was crying. The doctor came in and he wiped his eyes.

"Does he have to go to the psych ward?" Morgan asked. "Just because he isn't talking doesn't mean he can't take care of himself."

"I don't think that's a good idea," the doctor said. "In his condition, especially after what happened to him he shouldn't be alone. He needs someone to look after him."

"I want to go home with Morgan," Reid said startling both Morgan and the doctor. His voice was shaking and quiet. It sounded like he hadn't had a drink of water in ages.

"If you'd be willing to stay home with him and be his full-time caretaker, I would be willing to let him go home tomorrow," the doctor said.

Reid nodded his head enthusiastically. So did Morgan. "Of course I will. Of course you can come home with me, baby."

* * *

**A/N: Om-goodness, I finally wrote a decent length chapter. I have sad news... I have a bad case of writer's block. I'm stuck on Chapter 14. I know, I've only posted 11... But anyways. I have no idea what to write next... So if anyone wants to PM or review me with ideas, that would be greatly appreciated. I love you guys, without your support I never would have gotten this far. :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Reid didn't say another word the rest of his stay in the hospital. The next morning Morgan drove him back to the house. He had bought Reid a wheelchair from the hospital.

Reid found himself desperate to say something to Morgan. Something that would explain everything. But there didn't seem to be words to describe anything that he was feeling. He wanted Morgan back badly, but at the same time he knew that he was broken and Morgan didn't need a broken toy that he couldn't play with.

On the ride home Morgan asked, "Spence, are you ever going to talk?" Reid replied by turning away to look out the window. He didn't know if he could talk. At the hospital he had managed to choke out a sentence, but it was unbelievably hard. Not only was it hard to think of words, it was as if the connection between his mind and body was severed, and there was some invisible barrier preventing him from speaking.

Morgan sighed. "I know what happened to you was terrible beyond anything anyone should ever have to go through. But I don't understand. Why can't you talk?"

Reid turned around and looked at Morgan sadly. He shrugged a little, the best communication he could manage.

"Is it your throat or something? Is it physically hard to talk?" Reid shook his head. Morgan put a hand to his head in exasperation. Reid took his hand and placed it back on the wheel. He didn't want Morgan to be mad at him. Even if he couldn't make Morgan happy, maybe he could make him look less angry.

Soon they were home and Morgan helped Reid into the wheelchair and then into the house, where he sat Reid on the couch. "I'll get you something to eat. You look like you lost fifteen pounds."

Reid didn't want Morgan to leave, but he came back a few minutes later with soup, bread, and a glass of water. Reid sipped at the soup, but turned the bread away. He had come to hate bread, what he had lived off of while he was captive.

"Come on, Spence," Morgan said. "You need to eat. You're malnourished."

Reid nibbled at the bread and looked at it with disdain. He dipped it in the soup and took a few larger bites. He handed Morgan the soup bowl and the bread. "I guess that means you're done. So what do you want to do now? Let me guess. Sit here quietly." Angry again. Reid hated it. Why did Morgan let him stay if he was so mad?

Morgan put the food on the coffee table. Reid tried to move closer to Morgan, but when Morgan saw he was having difficulty he moved himself. Reid nuzzled up against him and rested his head on Morgan's shoulder. Panic overwhelmed him, fear of what Morgan would think, how he would react.

"Babe, I missed you so much. I was so scared for you," Morgan said. Reid found Morgan's hand and held it with both of his. He was trying to communicate, but he didn't know what his message was.

As he had been doing ever since he had been rescued, he was searching himself deeply for the just right words. There was one thing he was longing to say, but it was so hard to find the courage. _Say it_! His brain said to his mouth. But his mouth was not cooperating. Morgan turned to stare at him now. Reid opened his mouth, but that was it.

"Babe, do you have something to say?" Morgan said. "It's okay, you can tell me anything."

Reid started to talk but no sound came out. He started over. "Are –are you mad at me?" It was barely a whisper, but it was enough.

Morgan wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. "No, honey I'm not mad at all. I'm so sorry I told you to leave. It doesn't matter now. Let's just forget we ever fought, okay?"

Reid nodded his head, he leaned against Morgan and closed his eyes and tried to pretend things were like they used to be. But it didn't feel the same at all. Morgan stroked his hair and held him until he fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N: Hi everyone. I'm so glad I have faithful reviewers and readers of this story. It makes it so much easier when I have a hard time. I almost gave up on this story today, but I fought through it and finished that one demon chapter. Thanks everyone.**


	13. Chapter 13

When Reid woke up, Morgan was gone. Instantly Reid felt terrified. He was alone again. He wanted to call for Morgan, but he couldn't. Then he heard Morgan's voice coming from the other room and calmed down a little.

"He's the same." Morgan said. "He's just been sleeping. He'll barely eat." He paused for a few moments. "I don't know if he'll want any visitors right now." Reid was just thinking that the phone call was done, but Morgan continued. "I'll ask him, but I doubt he'll answer me."

Morgan walked into the room. "You awake, hon?" Reid rubbed his eyes and nodded his head. "Garcia wants to come over with JJ and Elle. Is that okay?"

Reid had the desire to curl up into the fetal position, but that was impossible. He wasn't sure whether he was up to facing them. But he nodded weakly anyway.

"Yeah, you can come over if you want," Morgan said into the phone. "See you in a bit."

He hung up and came and sat next to Reid on the couch. "Hey, Spence. I got you some paper and a pen, I thought maybe it would be easier to write?" He grabbed a clipboard off the coffee table and handed it to Reid.

Reid just stared at it, wondering what to say. No, it wasn't any easier. The barrier still existed between his mind and the outside world, preventing him from communicating.

Morgan waited patiently. "Is there something I could get you that you'd actually eat?"

Reid thought about shaking his head, but he knew that he needed to eat. He tried to think of what sounded least offensive. But his stomach was sore and empty and eating seemed impossible. He held the pen in his hand and stared at the paper. Then he had an idea.

_Not bread_, he wrote.

"Okay," Morgan said. "Could I interest you in some Mac and Cheese?"

Reid thought for a minute and nodded his head. Morgan started to get up, but Reid tugged at his arm.

"What's wrong, baby?" Morgan asked.

What was wrong was that he hadn't gone to the washroom since the hospital. He was terribly embarrassed that he couldn't get there by himself… and when he got there…

He grabbed the pen and wrote _Bathroom_ on it.

Morgan looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I should have thought of that. I'll help you."

It was a difficult process, first he got Reid into the wheelchair which was okay, but after he wheeled Reid to the bathroom, the awkward part came.

"Unzip your pants," Morgan said.

Reid didn't like that idea at all. He wanted Morgan to leave. He wasn't sure how he'd manage by himself, but that seemed like a better idea than going in front of Morgan. He shook his head.

"Then how in the world do you think you're going to pee?" Morgan asked.

Reid looked down in shame. He didn't want Morgan to see. It wasn't just embarrassing, it was _humiliating_. Even still he unzipped his pants and Morgan lifted him up a little and pulled his pants and boxers down.

"Spence…" Morgan said in shock as he stared down at Reid's penis, which was a mixture of yellow, purple, and brown bruises. Morgan gently took one finger and moved it down the shaft.

"Don't touch me!" Reid yelled before he even realized what he was doing. He felt embarrassed for yelling, but he didn't regret it. It was Morgan's fault. Where did he get off touching him there? Spencer couldn't talk he was so traumatized, and Morgan was touching his penis.

Morgan instinctively backed off. "Spence… I'm sorry. I- I don't know what I was thinking."

Reid was tearing up. He wanted Morgan to just leave him alone, but he _really_ needed to pee.

"Spence…" Morgan said. "Can I help you?"

Reid nodded but wouldn't look Morgan in the eye. Morgan lifted him gently on to the toilet seat. "I'll be right back, he said walking out and closing the door, too late giving Reid his privacy.

_How did I think this was going to work_? Reid thought. _I shouldn't be here with Morgan. I should be in the hospital, like my mom. I'm just a burden on him._

He let go of his bladder. Physically, he felt the tiniest bit of relief. He wanted to call Morgan back to help him, but no matter how much he told his mouth to talk, it wouldn't cooperate. And no matter how much he wanted Morgan to help, it was impossible. Reid was broken, and Morgan couldn't fix him.

* * *

**A/N: Doctor Sexy... feels the need to right how people with broken legs pee in full detail. Doctor Sexy... writes chapters where the main event is peeing. Doctor Sexy... talks in the third person and is totally sane...**

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter! And I don't know if any of you guys are into the Supernatural fandom at all, but if you happen to be there is a Supernatural Writing Contest, which there is a forum for that is linked on my profile page.**

**Thanks for reading. :)**


	14. Chapter 14

Reid sat on the couch sipping at his water. Morgan kept shoving water down his throat. Reid was starting to get used to drinking again. He was even able to eat most of his Mac and Cheese. Morgan had turned the TV on, but Reid promptly shut it off. He couldn't be bothered paying attention to such bullshit.

Morgan sat next to him and kept asking him if he needed anything. Reid kept shaking his head. There was nothing Morgan could bring him that would make him feel any better.

"You must be getting sick of me talking," Morgan said. Reid shook his head. In truth, Morgan's voice was partly comforting, even if Reid was feeling more and more guilty.

Reid was feeling fuzzy and like he needed to sleep. He had taken some codeine for his legs. It wasn't as good as Vicodin, but it was enough to take the edge away. He rested his head on Morgan's shoulder. It didn't last for long, because the doorbell rang and Morgan went to go get it.

"Hey, Snookums, how's it going?" Garcia said when Morgan opened the door. He gave her a shrug. JJ and Elle were with her and they both looked uncomfortable.

"Come in," Morgan said.

Garcia ran over to Reid and gave him a big squeeze. "Hey, Sweetie. How are you holding up?"

Reid said nothing. Garcia sat down next to him. Elle sat in the armchair, while Morgan and JJ sat down in the loveseat.

"Still not talking?" Elle asked.

"Not much," Morgan said.

JJ opened her big hobo bag and held out a plastic container. "I don't know if you want them, but I made some cookies."

Reid nodded and JJ opened it and handed him a cookie. He nibbled on it a little but couldn't finish it.

"We're so glad you're back, Reid," Garcia said. "Nothing was the same without you. Poor Morgan was a wreck."

Spencer glanced at Morgan. Morgan smiled in return. What was there to smile about though? _Who cares if I'm back? What difference does that make? What difference does anything make?_ Reid knew Morgan wouldn't be glad he was there for very long. What could someone like Morgan want with someone so irreversibly damaged? How long would it take Morgan to get mad that he wasn't talking? How long would Morgan want to be in a relationship with someone who shuddered at the thought of being touched?

Since the incident where Morgan had touched him, Reid was starting to think it wasn't going to work. He was starting to think of how he could get out of there. But how could he do that when he had trouble spitting out a simple sentence? And if he wasn't with Morgan… then he'd have to go to the hospital. But if he didn't leave was he ruining Morgan's life too?

"How are you holding up?" Garcia asked.

Reid would have laughed, if there was any sense of humor left in him. Morgan handed him the clipboard and pen. Reid didn't want to write anything. He wished the girls weren't there. He wished he could just be alone, asleep, dead maybe.

He put the clipboard down on his lap. Then he held a thumb down. Garcia put her arm around him. "I'm so sorry, baby. But things are going to be okay, eventually. Just trust me."

_How would you know? _Reid thought. He knew he wasn't being entirely fair. Garcia had suffered hardship before. Both her parents had died in a tragic accident, of course that had to be hard to get over. But this was different. Reid felt like his soul, his happiness, his will to live had all been taken from him.

But Reid didn't say any of that. All he did was smile weakly and nod his head. He would just have to fake care until everyone left him alone.

The girls didn't stay very long, not wanting to bother Reid. Soon Reid was sitting alone on the couch. He thought he would feel relief when everyone left, but instead he felt this desperate sort of loneliness. He wanted to call out for Morgan -where was he anyway? But soon Morgan was back with blankets and pillows.

"You should get some sleep," Morgan said. He put the pillows at the edge of the couch. "Lay down."

Reid didn't listen. He just stared at Morgan sadly.

"What's wrong, baby?" Morgan asked with a sigh.

Reid stared up at him with puppy dog eyes meaningfully. Morgan gently touched his cheek. He sat down next to Reid. "I'll stay up with you for a bit."

Suddenly more than anything, Reid wanted to not be alone. He wanted Morgan to fix everything, and if anyone could it would be Morgan. Reid grabbed Morgan's face and kissed him manically, willing Morgan to stay with him, to make him whole again.

Morgan kissed back only for a second. Then he pulled away. "Spence, what are you doing?"

_Kissing you_, Reid thought. It was their first night all over again. Reid was desperately and hopelessly in love with Morgan, the only thing that made life worth living.

"Spence... I think I'm going to go to bed."

Tears streamed down Reid's face. He needed Morgan. He grabbed Morgan's hand.

"Honey, I don't know what you want from me," Morgan said.

"Don't leave," Reid whispered.

"Never," Morgan said. "I'll never leave you, Spencer."

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys... Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I just have been having a really hard time writing this story. I don't know if I can continue. I'll try real hard, but I can't promise anything...**

**ATTENTION ALL CRIMINAL MINDS WRITERS! Mrs. Dr. Robert Chase AND I ARE HOLDING A MONTHLY CRIMINAL MINDS WRITING CONTEST! YOU SHOULD JOIN! THE TOPIC IS ALREADY UP AND WE WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE ENTRIES! PLEASE TELL US IF YOU WANT TO PARTICIPATE UNDER THE SECOND CONTEST TOPIC! I REALLY HOPE YOU'LL CONSIDER ENTERING! THE LINK TO THE FORUM IS ON THE TOP OFF MY PROFILE PAGE! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: As you can guess, I am going to continue this. I'm going to do whatever it takes to see it through to the end. Thank you Maryhell, Darkus Starlara, annily and cristina reid for sticking with it and reviewing so many chapters, you routinely brighten my day. Also a special thanks to the guest who reviewed the last chapter... for some reason you calling my story beautiful made me really feel the need to not only finish it, but to give it my 110%. Oh, and anyone who has made it this far gets virtual pie.**

* * *

Morgan fell asleep sitting up with Reid's head in his lap. He woke up and wanted to move but Reid was fast asleep. It was the happiest he had seen Reid look since he had been found. Morgan stroked his hair absentmindedly. Reid opened his eyes.

"Morning, Sunshine," Morgan said.

"Mmm," Reid groaned, which was more than Morgan was expecting. He sat up with some difficulty. Then he hit himself in the head. This startled Morgan, who became more disturbed when Reid repeated the process hitting himself on the head, waiting a few seconds and hitting himself again.

Morgan grabbed his hand. "Hey, don't do that."

Reid pulled his arm away and hit himself once more, this time harder.

"Spence, I swear to God I will send you back to your Mama," Morgan said. Reid just glared at him. "Babe, I know it's tough, trust me."

Reid shook his head. How would Morgan know? _Morgan doesn't know_ anything, Reid thought.

"Spence, I know you don't want to hear about it, but I know," Morgan said.

Reid stared at him suspiciously. Was Morgan implying something to gain his trust? And was it true?

"You need to go to the bathroom?" Morgan asked. Reid nodded. Morgan helped him and then sat him back down on the couch. "I'll get you some breakfast and your pills."

_Pills are good_, Reid thought, but they were nothing compared to the Vicodin that he was now used to. Soon enough Morgan was back with waffles, pain meds, and antidepressants. It wasn't much, but it was what Reid had to look forward to.

They ate breakfast together in silence and then Reid motioned for his clipboard. He wrote _What did you mean earlier?_

"Nothing," Morgan said, looking away.

It didn't take a genius o analyze this behaviour. Morgan was deflecting. Either he said the first thing because he wanted Reid to think he had been sexually abused, or he had been sexually abused. Now he didn't want Reid to know what he meant… So that meant he was hiding something.

_Liar_, Reid wrote. He then felt like he was being too harsh.

"I don't think it would be good to talk about it, Spence," Morgan said.

_Tell me_, Reid wrote.

Morgan sighed. "I shouldn't have said anything. I just… I don't think I can talk about it, but I… But you're not the only one who's been abused."

Reid suddenly felt angry. It wasn't fair. Where there than many evil people in the world? Why did Morgan have to suffer through that? Why did _he _have to suffer through that? He didn't want to look at Morgan, to see how he was feeling but he did anyway. He looked like he might cry.

"I'm just going to go put the dishes away," Morgan said, something unusual in his voice.

Reid was feeling guilty now. Other people could get over things like that. He was a freak. He should be coping, he should be able to talk. He should be able to move on with his life. Morgan wouldn't be a coward like Reid was.

Now Reid was starting to sniffle and he felt the tears in his eyes. And Morgan had left. He had made Morgan feel like that. He had made Morgan remember. He would be a constant reminder of what had happened to Morgan.

He felt his heart breaking. He didn't want to feel sorry for himself. It wasn't fair to Morgan. He had to get better. He had to be able to function. Reid didn't want to give a damn about himself. He wanted Morgan to be happy.

Right then Reid decided that he was going to get better.

"Morgan!" He called. It wasn't loud, but it was the loudest he had spoken in weeks. The sound of his own frightened him. And Morgan, too, because he came running back into the room.

He looked scared until he saw Reid and he calmed down a bit.

"Sorry," Reid said embarrassed he had yelled for Morgan. He must have thought something horrible was wrong. There were a million things he wanted to say, but he couldn't manage any more words just yet. Instead he held out his arms, soliciting a hug.

Morgan came and hugged him back tightly. "Spence, I'm sorry. You didn't need to know that. I don't need you feeling bad about another thing." Reid kissed Morgan's earlobe in response.

Reid pulled back from the hug and grabbed his clipboard. _Will you tell me what happened_?

* * *

**A/N: Just another note about the Monthly Criminal Minds Writing Contest... it would really be a lot of fun if we only had some participants. Please consider entering, and if you do want to enter, tell us in the forum which is linked at the top of my profile page. Thank you. :)**


	16. Chapter 16

"It's nothing," Morgan said. "It's not like what happened to you."

_Then why did you bring it up? _Reid wrote feeling a little braver.

Morgan stood up and then immediately sat back down. "I don't know. It was a stupid idea," he said standing up again. "I'm going to go for a walk."

_Now what did I do_? Reid thought. He tried to speak. He tried to say, "sorry" but nothing came out of his mouth. Morgan walked out of the house quickly. _Is it that hard to be around me?_

Reid hated himself for making Morgan feel that way. He wanted Morgan to be happy. And Morgan wasn't going to be happy as long as Reid was with him. Reid reached out to the coffee table and with some difficulty grabbed the cordless phone and dialed.

"Hey, Sugar Cakes, what's up?" Garcia said, clearly expecting Morgan to be the one phoning.

"…Penny?" Reid managed to choke out.

"Oh, my goodness. Reid!" Garcia said. "What's up honey?"

"…I know it's a lot to ask but…" Reid said. He was happy words were coming out of his mouth. But he had to be strong. For Morgan.

"Anything, Sweetie," Garcia replied.

"Can I stay with you?"

"Oh," Garcia said. She sounded surprised. Reid knew he was imposing, but he couldn't think of a better option. "Of course you can. But why don't you want to stay with Morgan?" On this topic, Reid was silent. "Okay, honey. I'll pick you up in a couple hours, okay?"

"Okay," Reid said.

It seemed like an hour had passed and Morgan still hadn't returned. Reid was nervous that Garcia would come before Morgan. And how would Morgan react when he heard the news?

A few minutes later, Morgan came back with his head hanging and looking embarrassed. "Hey, I'm sorry I left…" he said taking a seat.

"I just haven't really thought about it in a long time," Morgan said. "But if you really want to know what happened…" he took a deep breathe.

Reid didn't want to hear it anymore. He didn't want to pressure Morgan, or to make him remember whatever awful thing had happened to him. He shook his head but Morgan kept going.

"I was fourteen… the first time. I mean, it wasn't like what happened to you, I know. But umm…" Reid grabbed his hand. "He owned this youth centre…. And he got me into college. That's why I did it. I mean it's my fault…"

Reid wrote, _It wasn't your fault_. Morgan was crying now. Reid grabbed him and pulled him into an awkward hug.

That was when Garcia walked in.

"Garcia, what are you doing here?" Morgan asked.

Garcia looked at Reid. "Oh, honey you're making me tell him?"

Reid covered his face with his hands, not wanting to see what happened.

"Tell me what?" Morgan asked.

"Reid called me and asked if he could stay with me," Garcia said nervously, biting her lip.

"What? Why? What did I do Spence?" Morgan asked.

Reid was unable to answer any of those questions. "Sorry…"

"Okay," Morgan said, clearly hurt. "I'll just go get your stuff then."

At Garcia's apartment Reid felt lonelier than ever and he was starting to wonder if he had done more harm than good. Garcia was being her ever-friendly self. They were sitting on the couch watching _Extreme Makeover: Home Edition_. She had offered Reid the remote but he wasn't really interested.

"Cupcake, do you want anything else to eat?" Garcia asked. Reid shook his head. Garcia had made him spaghetti and he had eaten most of it.

"It's nice having you around," Garcia said. "It's like having a boyfriend that never talks and just listens. I could tell you anything and you wouldn't tell anybody." Reid nodded vaguely. "This one time in college I experimented with my roommate. I've never told anybody that. You're the first."

Reid admired Garcia's wacky attempts to cheer him up, but it wasn't working. As much as he wanted to protect Morgan, he also wanted Morgan to protect him. Maybe he had made a mistake. Maybe he should go back to Morgan.

He rested his head on Garcia's chest and she patted his head. "I know you're sad, sweetie. I'm sorry. I know you don't want to talk right now, but if you ever do… I'm here."

"I ruined everything," Reid said.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "What did you ruin?"

"Morgan hates me," Reid said. He was starting to be able to talk more. A sentence here and there seemed manageable.

"He doesn't hate you, Reid," Garcia said. "He loves you. But he was upset when you left. He doesn't understand why you did that. And frankly, I don't either."

"I'm a burden," Reid muttered.

Garcia shook her head. "Oh, honey. You're not a burden. All leaving did was make him worry about you more. He wants to be there for you."

Reid started to sniffle again. He didn't want to cry. He was so tired of crying.

"I think you're better off with Morgan," she said.

"Can I use your phone?" Reid asked.

* * *

**A/N: So I fought through another chapter! It always seems to be a fight these days. But on the plus side, I'm super proud of myself for making it this far and being committed and updating frequently. I haven't been able to do that so well in the past. Thanks for reading, and I hope you aren't too mad at me for making Reid leave Morgan's...**


	17. Chapter 17

"Hello?" Morgan's voice said from the other side of the line.

"Hi…" Reid said.

"Hey, Spence," Morgan said. Reid thought it sounded like he was talking to a child. "What's going on?"

Reid suddenly felt he was incapable of having this conversation. He wanted to hang up but that would hurt Morgan. Instead he stayed silent trying to think of something to say.

"Are you okay?" Morgan asked.

"The same," Reid said. "Morgan, I want to come home."

There was a long pause. "Spence, I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Why?" Reid said, his voice coming out high-pitched and whiny.

"Why did you leave?" Morgan countered. "Obviously there was a reason you left and maybe we shouldn't be living together right now."

Reid was crying now. "I need you."

"Spence…" Morgan said. "You know I love you more than my own mama, but I just want what's best for you. I think we need some space."

"I don't want space," Reid said.

"You did five hours ago."

Reid didn't say anything, he just bawled into the phone.

"Honey… I'll come visit tomorrow, okay? We can talk about it more then," Morgan said.

"Okay…" Reid said reluctantly. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Morgan said. "Why don't you go get some sleep, baby boy?"

The next morning, Reid got ready for Morgan. This was complicated and embarrassing, especially when Garcia had to help him get into the bath. But when he was clean and dressed he felt a little better about himself. He was inexplicably nervous to see Morgan. He knew that Morgan and him were okay, but still it felt like their relationship was unstable at best. No matter how much they loved each other, it felt like something was tearing them apart.

Reid sat in his wheelchair and wheeled around the apartment when he needed to get around. He had even mastered the art of peeing by himself. He was starting to feel like maybe one day he would feel normal again, instead of a broken useless husk. At least physically.

Morgan showed up a little after noon. "Hey, Spence. I was thinking maybe we'd go get some lunch?"

Reid nodded. He hated being cooped up. He wanted to experience the outside world that he had been depraved of for so long.

Fortunately, Garcia's apartment building had an elevator. It was fairly painless getting Reid downstairs and into the car.

"Where do you want to go?" Morgan asked. Reid just shrugged. "How about George's?" Reid nodded.

It was Reid's favorite place to eat, Morgan knew. He had only been there with Reid a couple of times, but he kept finding himself there when Reid was missing. It would be much more enjoyable with his best friend by his side.

"So… do you want to talk about it?" Morgan asked, not holding out much hope for a long conversation.

"About what?" Reid asked quietly.

"Why you wanted to leave," Morgan said. "And why you want to come back. And in general what the hell is going on with our relationship."

"Oh," Reid said. That was a lot of ground to cover, and he was just starting to get the hang of talking again. "I…" He cut off not sure what he was going to say. What _was_ going on with their relationship?

Morgan waited patiently. Reid started again, "I just… I don't want you to hate me."

"Oh, come on, Spence," Morgan said. "What's going on in that brain of yours? I could never hate you. You don't have to be perfect, you know. You're allowed to be a mess sometimes."

"If I stay, I'll just bring you down with me," Reid whispered.

"So what?" Morgan said. "Babe, I want all of you, the good and the bad. That's how relationships work."

"I'm so messed up," Reid said.

"I know, honey," Morgan said, patting his hand. "But I want to be there for you. I want to help you get better. I won't be any happier knowing you're going through this alone."

Reid wanted to say something, if he could only think of what. But before he figured it out, Morgan had parked and was helping him into the wheelchair.

George's was a tiny little restaurant, with the best breakfast special Reid had ever tasted. They found the handicapped table and sat down… well Reid was already sitting.

"Remember the first time we went here?" Morgan asked. Reid nodded. "You told me it was the best food this side of Mississippi, but I didn't believe you."

Reid smiled weakly. Things were much better then. He could enjoy himself then. Now all he could feel was emptiness or searing pain.

"Spence, I'm just going to say it. Are we breaking up?" Morgan asked.

Reid was torn on this issue. He couldn't decide what he wanted more. Did he want Morgan to be happy? Or did he want to be with Morgan? And was leaving better for Morgan, or would it be better if he stayed.

"No," Reid said.

"Okay," Morgan said, sighing with relief. "You had me worried there. Are you coming home with me, or are you going to stay with Garcia?"

That was another issue Reid was flipping back and forth on. At Morgan's he felt pressure to be happy, to eat when he was told, to talk more than he wanted to. But without Morgan… he felt lost. But he owed it to Morgan to try to get better. "I might stay at Garcia's for a while."

"Okay, hon. I think that's a good idea."

* * *

**A/N: Hi everyone! I wrote a chapter today that wasn't even a struggle! I'm feeling excited about this story and can't wait to write more. :) Can you believe we're already at Chapter 17? Doctor Sexy can never recall writing another Chapter 17 in her life...**


	18. Chapter 18

A week later Reid was starting to get a bit more comfortable at Garcia's. He was adjusting to being disabled, and he even started to enjoy Garcia's company. Of course, Morgan called him every day. Each day Reid got a little better at talking.

He was alone most of the time while Garcia was at work, and sometimes he had dark periods where he would think about ending it all. Once he even held the knife in his hand. But deep down he knew he would never do it. He couldn't do that to Morgan. And he couldn't do it to Garcia, who would be the one to find him.

Morgan had brought him some books (23 to be exact) but Reid had read through them all in a day and a half. He was getting antsy and getting bored of watching whatever movie happened to be on TV. He wanted to call Morgan, but he was working. He decided to get some fresh air.

He found the spare key that was in a bowl by the front door and rolled over to the elevator then headed outside. Reid felt a little awkward and out of place outside, but at least he wasn't in the apartment. He wheeled on the sidewalk for a little bit and then almost jumped out of his skin when a hand reached out and touched his shoulder.

Panic set in and he had the irrational feeling that it was Harry who had come back after him. Reid almost shouted before the voice said, "Hello, Reid."

It was Gideon.

"Hey," Reid choked out.

"I came to see how you were doing," Gideon said.

"A bit better," Reid admitted. He didn't want to acknowledge that he was feeling better, because he was still feeling so crappy but he wanted to tell Gideon the truth.

"Good," Gideon said. "Want to go for a walk?"

"No, I'd much rather sprout wings and fly, it's about as likely," Reid retorted.

Gideon laughed and smiled brightly. Reid liked the way he smiled, something about it just seemed so peaceful and content. "Come on, I'll push you." He took hold of Reid's wheelchair and started pushing gently.

"I wanted to let you know, Spencer, that if you ever needed a place to stay my door is always open," Gideon said.

Red nodded nervously. There was a reason he had called Garcia instead of Gideon when he wanted to leave Morgan's. It was one thing that Gideon had said that would change how he viewed their relationship forever.

Okay, maybe he was just being paranoid. It had happened one night when Reid had come over to watch a Charlie Chaplin movie and play chess. Things had gotten a little awkward. There were candles and Gideon kept offering him wine –_expensive_ wine. It felt a little too intimate to just be as friends… and when he had asked Reid if he wanted to stay the night…

Reid still wasn't sure if he was imagining Gideon's feelings or not, but still things had been uncomfortable between them ever since.

"I heard things aren't going so well between you and Morgan," Gideon said.

"We're fine," Reid said defensively.

"Sorry, I guess it's none of my business," Gideon said.

"No, it isn't," Reid said.

"But if it does end badly…" Gideon said. "I'll be there for you."

"You should go," Reid said. "I'm just going to go home now." It felt strange identifying Garcia's apartment as home, but compared to this it was safe and friendly.

"Alright, I'm leaving," Gideon said. "Just think about it."

That night Reid couldn't wait for Morgan to call. The call came around 11.

"Hey, I'm sorry for calling you so late," Morgan said. But Reid didn't mind, he slept during the day and more than anything he wanted to hear Morgan's voice. "How's it going?"

"I saw Gideon today," Reid commented casually.

"Yeah, I figured. He stayed behind on the case to check up on you," Morgan said.

Reid snorted. "Yeah, to check up on me."

"What do you mean?"

"He wanted me to leave you…" Reid said. "For him." It sounded almost foolish saying it out loud. How had he became so desirable all of a sudden? But at the same time he knew it was true.

"Spence, are you sure? I mean, what did he say?" Morgan asked.

"He said he'd 'be there for me' if I left you," Reid said.

"Hon, I'm sure he just meant that he would be there as a friend," Morgan said.

"No, I'm sure of it," Reid said. "He wanted me to stay at his place."

"That doesn't mean anything," Morgan said. "I'm sure you're reading too much into this."

"Why don't you believe me?" Reid said indignantly. "You're that sure I'm unloveable?"

"No, Spence, I didn't mean that," Morgan said. "It's just… him liking you? I don't see it."

Reid was getting bitter. "I didn't ask you if you saw it, why don't you trust me?"

"Spence, you're making a big deal about nothing."

"Maybe I should leave you for him and then maybe you'd believe me," Reid said.

"Spence…"

But it was too late, Reid had already hung up.

* * *

**A/N: Hello all! Did this chapter take a turn for the weird? I had to include some new plotline in order to keep the story going and more importantly so it didn't get boring. Well, I wrote three chapters yesterday, so you can expect an update tomorrow. :) This story is getting close to the end... which is making me think "Oh my God, what am I going to do with my life when I finish?" So I need a new story. Anyone have any ideas for me?**

**Oh, and just a reminder. There are only two people participating in this month's Criminal Minds writing contest so far. Please consider checking out the link on the top of my profile page to read all about it in the forum. It'll be lots of fun!**


	19. Chapter 19

That weekend Morgan came over to see Reid. Garcia had gone out shopping with JJ so they had the place to themselves.

"I'll prove to you that Gideon likes me," Reid said.

Morgan smiled. "And how are you going to do that?"

"I invited him to come over. You're going to hide in the closet," Reid said.

Morgan laughed. Then he turned serious. "Wait, you're not kidding. You actually want me to hide in the closet so that you can prove that he likes you? Spence that's a whole new level of crazy, even for you."

"Well, since you refuse to believe me, I am just going to have to prove it to you." The phone rang and Reid picked it up. "Hi, Gideon, come on in," Reid said buzzing him in. Hanging up the phone he said, "Get into the closet!"

"After thirty years I just got out of the closet!" Morgan complained, but he made his way into the closet anyway, leaving the door open just a crack.

A couple minutes later, Gideon appeared and hugged Reid. "I'm so sorry to hear what happened. You deserved better anyway."

Morgan was furious in his closet hiding spot. What right did Gideon have to judge him? He wasn't perfect, but he tried his hardest to be the best boyfriend he could. What did Gideon know anyway? And did Reid really have to pretend to break up with him? At least, Morgan hoped it was pretend.

"Thanks," Reid said. "You were the first person I thought to call."

This was ridiculous. Morgan was hiding in the closet listening to his boyfriend flirt with another man. In what world was something like this acceptable?

"Did you reconsider my offer?" Gideon asked.

_The offer to stay at your house? Or did you offer something else?_ Morgan thought. He was starting to wish he had just believed Reid instead of starting this situation.

"I thought about it," Reid said.

"We could go away. California, Spain, anywhere you want," Gideon said. "We could be together."

That was when Morgan ran out of the closet and punched Gideon right in the face.

"I didn't know you were here," Gideon said holding his face.

"Yeah, well I think you can leave," Morgan said.

"He told me you broke up," Gideon said.

"We didn't," Reid said quietly.

"Why did you lie to me?" Gideon asked, more hurt that Reid had lied to him than from Morgan's punch.

"Yeah, Reid that's a really good question," Morgan said. He hadn't called him Reid in months. It felt wrong coming out of his mouth, but he was really mad. It was not a time for pet names, or calling him Spence.

"I wanted you to believe me," Reid said to Morgan, ignoring Gideon.

"You know what Reid, that's really messed up that you felt you had to do that," Morgan said.

"Maybe if you just trusted me in the first place," Reid pointed out.

"What difference does it make? Is it really that important to you? What difference does it make if he likes you? Or are you just trying to prove you have other options?" Morgan said

"It's not like that…"

"Then what is it like, Reid?" Morgan said. "Because I am trying my damned hardest and you get mad at me for every Goddamn little thing."

Reid didn't say anything and sat there quietly biting his lip hard.

"I'm going to go," Gideon said, realizing he was clearly unwanted there.

"Yeah, me too," Morgan said.

"Morgan, wait!" Reid said.

Morgan stopped and Gideon exited the apartment. "Spence… are we kidding ourselves?"

"No," Reid said with tears in his eyes. "Don't say that."

"Spence, are you unhappy with me, or are you just unhappy? Because if I'm making this worse for you, I think we should take some time."

"Morgan," Reid said. "You're not making it worse. I mean, it's not your fault. It's me. I can't… I make everything worse."

"Baby…" Morgan said, taking a seat next to Reid on the couch. "We keep fighting and I don't know what to do."

"I don't know either," Reid said, wiping at his tears.

"Honey… do you think… Maybe we should just be friends," Morgan said.

"No. Morgan…"

"It doesn't have to be forever. Just until you feel better. Until we can sort things out," Morgan said.

"What if things never get better?" Reid asked.

"They will, Spence. I promise. And if they don't, I'll wait for you forever."

* * *

**A/N: Hello, friends! I hope you don't hate this chapter... I know it's a little bizarre. Sorry it's terribly short. I seem to have not much to say today, so have a nice day!**


	20. Chapter 20

_6 Months Later_

"What are you so happy about?" Prentiss asked smiling. She had only been with the BAU for three months, but she was already starting to think of the team as her friends.

"I had Physiotherapy yesterday," Reid said. "I walked for a solid five minutes… I still have to have the parallel bars but soon I'm going to be allowed to use crutches instead of a wheelchair."

"That's great!" Prentiss said patting him on the shoulder.

"You're going to be walking in no time," Morgan said. "Soon you'll be back in the field."

"I doubt that," Reid said. He wondered if Morgan was talking about work or the metaphorical dating field. Things had been fairly normal between the two of them, but Reid spent a lot of time thinking about the state of their relationship. They were just friends, but was Morgan expecting more? And did Reid want more?

"Well, there's no rush. Take all the time you need to get better," Morgan said.

Reid was trying to think of something to say when JJ walked in. "Everyone gather in the conference room, we have a case."

The case was solved a couple days later, and Morgan, Reid, JJ, Garcia, and Prentiss were all at the bar to celebrate. Reid didn't exactly feel like being at the bar with Morgan and the giggling girls, especially sitting on the end of the table in his wheelchair while people kept walking into him. Besides, most of the time he liked being alone now. Then he didn't have to worry about what other people thought of him.

The worst part was that everyone was taking shots, except for JJ who was the designated driver. Reid hated shots, but he knew if he didn't take them everyone would make fun of him and he didn't want to call any attention to himself. Unfortunately, after only a couple he was starting to feel dizzy. "You okay, Reid?" Morgan asked concerned.

"Fine," Reid said. But he wasn't fine. He was hardly ever fine. Everyone thought he had gotten better, that he was okay. But he felt empty and tired of life. He didn't want anyone to know.

"Reid, you're such a lightweight," Prentiss said laughing. Reid forced a smile.

"So Reid, that thing I've been meaning to tell you..." Garcia said. She looked uncharacteristically nervous. That worried Reid.

"Yes?" Reid asked.

"There's someone I want you to meet," Garcia said. "Reid, this is Louis. Louis, this is Reid."

Reid turned around to where Garcia was looking and saw a skinny man of about twenty-five who was wearing a dazzling smile. "Hi?"

Louis held his hand out and Reid shook it. "I've heard so much about you," Louis said.

Then it hit Reid. Garcia was trying to set him up!

"What is this Garcia?" Reid said angrily.

"Whatever do you mean, Cupcake?" Garcia asked.

"Are you seriously trying to set me up?" Reid asked.

"...maybe," Garcia said. "But Louis is really nice and super cool. I know you'll love him."

"Do I look like I want to be set up?" Reid yelled. He started to wheel away, which was awkward because Louis was standing in the way. Reid wished he could walk more than he ever had. He needed to storm out. But he wasn't allowed to have that much dignity. He wheeled out of the bar, knowing it was pointless. He couldn't get himself home. He hadn't been self-reliant in almost a year. No matter how much he hated other people, he needed them. That was the worst. Reid waited outside, sitting there until he could collect himself. Someone handed him some change.

"Do I look like I'm homeless?" Reid asked angrily throwing the money on the ground.

"Spence?" A voice asked. It was Morgan.

"Go away," Reid said.

"No," Morgan said defiantly. "I want to talk."

"Morgan, you're the last person in the world I want to talk to right now," Reid said.

"Why?" Morgan asked.

Reid exhaled deeply. "I don't need this right now. I don't need you being the one to come to the rescue."

"I thought maybe you needed a ride home," Morgan said.

"You said you wanted to talk," Reid accused.

"Spencer, we are supposed to be friends, am I not allowed to talk to you?" Morgan said, irritated.

"What do you want?" Reid asked.

"It doesn't matter now," Morgan said.

"What were you going to say?" Reid demanded.

"I was going to try to cheer you up, but now I don't really care if you're miserable," Morgan said.

Somehow those words were like a knife to Reid's heart. Suddenly he felt even worse. Suicidal worse. He thought Morgan would leave, but he just stood there leaning against the wall, looking away.

"Morgan..." Reid said, but he didn't know what to say. He felt like he did six months ago when he could never think of the right words.

"What?" Morgan said.

"I'm sorry," Reid tried.

"You know just because you're miserable doesn't mean you need to be a dick," Morgan said. "Normal people just suck it up and deal with it."

Reid wheeled away as fast as he could back to the table. "Garcia can you drive me home please?"

* * *

**A/N: I feel like this story just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I feel like it's developed a mind of it's own and I have no control over it. Maybe I'm just crazy? Anyway, thanks for reading and please tell me your thoughts, I'm dying to know what people think of where this is going.**


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